When I was a young teacher, there were certain things that veteran teachers would say that would drive me absolutely crazy. Many of them hurt my feelings, others I felt like were self-deprecating, and no one likes to hear people we care about be unnecessarily hard on themselves. Others felt insulting towards the students I loved and would break my heart, while others sadly felt like outright excuses from folks who’d given up on the kids and on themselves.
I thought “I must be naïve” and surely I’ll come to understand or even share these feelings later, but I was wrong. Having worked in education for fifteen years now, many of these statements bother me more than ever. As I began sharing my “Teaching with the Terminator” philosophy with teachers and encouraging them to take responsibility for student learning, I discovered that the same things that frustrated me, frustrated many, MANY other teachers as well.
Below you will find a list of the “21 Things I Hate to Hear Teachers” say, though I’m willing to admit it’s an incomplete list. Think I forgot something? Email me, post it to the Edunators Facebook page, or tweet me (@MarkClementsEdu) and let me know what I forgot.
So, in no particular order, I give you the “21 Things I Hate to Hear Other Teachers Say” starting with….
#1) “It's easy for you. ..”
No, it’s really not. I promise. In fact, I’m busting my tail over here and after years of experience and mistakes, I’ve just reached the point where it might look easy to somebody who doesn’t know any better. Please don’t ever disrespect the hard work of your colleagues by implying that something they’re doing is somehow easier for them. Even if it is for some reason, I’m sure you’re great at things they’re not, and wouldn’t appreciate being told how “easy” it is.
I’ve heard Dave Burgess (of Teach Like a Pirate fame) explain this as “the six words that infuriate” him faster than any other, following them with “You’re creative.” I’ve heard that, and it’s certainly frustrating, though these four followed by anything raise my blood pressure. For instance, I also hear these four words followed by…
2) “You’re male.”
Why, yes. Yes, I am. Thank you for noticing. Look, I’m not an idiot. I understand that gender plays an important role in how we perceive people. And I get that my deeper voice might startle a few more kids (as if that’s important). I’m not naive. I understand kids view me differently than they would if I were not male, or as has been pointed out to me, a “large male” (thanks for that by the way).
But here’s the thing….isn’t that a bit demeaning to rock-star, female Edunators all over the world? I know plenty of female teachers whose classroom management is AWESOME and who build relationships with students extremely effectively. To insist management or relationship building is easier for me because I’m bigger, furrier and scarier is insulting and implies that the only way I manage classrooms is through intimidation. Ridiculous. Sure, we all play the cards we’re dealt, but for every at-risk teenage boy who bonds with me quicker because of my gender, there’s a female student reluctant to trust me because she’s not had the best male role models in life. Please stop saying this. (Honorable mention to any version of this that somehow implies the job of female teachers is easier by virtue of being female).
3) “Kids today are different. ..”
This is something I mention frequently when encouraging teachers to stop playing the victim and accept responsibility for student learning. I normally have a bit of fun by showing them this video from 1952 in which Disney’s Goofy portrays a teacher attempting to deal with every horrible behavior anybody complains about today. If you want to talk to me about brain research suggesting attention spans are shrinking as a result of back-lit screens increasing the speed of the Central Nervous System, I’ll listen. If you want to complain about how much better student behavior used to be, I’d simply suggest that perhaps many of the students we now struggle with dropped out much sooner then, were never enrolled in schools in the first place, found jobs in factories that no longer exist, or perhaps you’re simply misremembering the “good ‘ole days”.
4) “Well, in my school….”
I hear this all the time during professional development workshops, especially if I’m presenting and suggesting a new idea. Yes, every school is different. Yes, there are always exceptions and extenuating circumstances. By in large however, people always believe that their situation MUST BE one of those rare exceptions when in reality, they’re just in denial or not willing to accept a new idea yet. It frustrates me, but I understand new ideas, especially radical ones about grading, take time to set in so I’m often happy to educate folks. Just know that there are almost certainly schools like yours having success with a lot of different types of programs, ideas, structures, etc.
5) “I know what the research says…BUT….”
This is really just the twin sister of #4. Sometimes people know what’s right, they just refuse to believe it. Many folks would prefer to keep the devil they know for the devil they don’t I guess. Experimentation takes energy, courage, and time. Plus, what you’re really saying with this is “I know better, I’m just choosing not to do better” which is professional malpractice. You’d never tolerate a doctor saying something like that.
6) “We never did it that way before….”
As they old saying goes, “if you only do what you’ve ever done, you’ll only get what you’ve always gotten” or to use another cliché “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Which I guess begs the question, is it broke? How do we know? Leaders often need to provide evidence change is necessary before anybody is willing to embrace it. Often however, the same folks who defend the status quo (Anthony Muhammad calls them “fundamentalists”) are the same folks who complain the most about students. Maybe if things aren’t working ,it’s time to try something new?
7) “They have to meet me in the middle.”
No. They really don’t. If they were capable of being in control of their own education, they wouldn’t need you. The students who NEED you the most are the ones who aren’t yet mature enough or don’t yet possess the skills necessary to “meet you in the middle”. I once told my boss a student’s behavior had recently “fallen off a cliff.” She replied “go get him.”
8) “It’s my job to teach. It’s their job to learn.”
Sadly, that’s not true, though it would be easier if it was. Your job is to educate and I’m sorry to say that sometimes that requires explaining yourself, admitting failure, making the material interesting, trying something new, allowing re-do’s and getting to know students. I tend to think of it as – our job is to ensure students learn or at least create the necessary environment to increase the likelihood of learning. That includes a fair amount of sympathy, patience, and responsibility for engaging, and even entertaining, students. If all kids needed was content knowledge, we’d simply hand them each their very own Google Machine or a set of books and say “good luck”. You’re much more than that, aren’t you?
9) “I don’t know what they expect me to do with him (or her!)!”
“They” would LIKE you educate him, to inspire him, model for him and touch his soul. What “they” EXPECT you to do is try. Parents are sending us the best kids they’ve got. They’re not keeping the good ones at home. And what did you want “them” (i.e., principals) to do anyway? Kids are entitled to an education, after all. “They” often have less power in this situation than you do, because they lack the opportunity to build the rapport with students that you have. (Honorable mention to the phrase "I sent them to the office and they did NOTHING!".)
10) “If [the student] would just [blank].”
I get it. Some students behaviors are mind-numbingly frustrating. But the truth is, all behavior is a form of communication (including our own). What is the student trying to tell us with their behavior? Because I imagine if they could do better, they would do better. Our job is to create an enviornment that has all of the conditions for all of our students to learn, and if a student is mis-behaving, there's a high liklihood there's something in the environment that is not working for him or her, something is missing, and we need to provide it.
11) “Digital natives…”
People say this as if kids come out of the womb now with a smartphone in their hand (give Apple time, iBirth is coming). Have you ever tried to get a room full of middle schooler’s to remember their passwords at the beginning of the year? Not to mention elementary students who can’t yet type, or the very notion of online etiquette and digital footprints? If you mean kids are more comfortable “figuring out” how to use new technology than generations before them, you’re correct. If you mean they don’t need to be taught, or at least be patient with them while they figure it out, you’re wrong.
12) “You can’t save them all.”
Maybe not. Probably not. But if I don’t try, I’ll never know which one’s I can, right?
13) “I’m done with [x]”.
This one just makes me sad. I don’t care if you’re talking about a student, a district initiative, or a colleague. Is being “done” with it really an option? We’re all just pushing this big rock up the hill together, you know? And it’s a little heavier for those of us still pushing while you’re throwing your temper tantrum. So when you’re finished, we saved you a spot, jump back in, we’ll be glad to have you.
14) “They don’t deserve to pass.”
I’m more patient with this sentiment than others on this list, but I do have to pushback a bit on the notion that my role as a teacher is somehow to bestow upon students the honor of having passed my class. “Pass” should not be a subjective decision, and certainly not a moral one. If students accumulate the pre-defined necessary knowledge, they should be permitted to move on. And when you consider the fact that we know retention doesn’t work in improving student achievement, and that students retained more than once are more likely to end up in jail than in college, maybe we need to re-think the entire “pass/fail” notion to begin with.
15) “They didn’t bring a pencil to class.”
Seriously Princess Elsa, let it go. Check out this website, you can buy them for $0.04 a piece. “Should” you have to? No. Ask your principal. If things are that dire where you are that this isn’t an option, then I’d be willing to bet you have bigger battles to fight and this probably isn’t the hill you want to die on. Reach out to parents. Start a GoFundMe page and share your plight. Maybe Stephen Colbert will fund you. But don’t add to the stress of a kid by ridiculing them for not having a pencil (or pen, or notebook, or paper, or whatever).
16) “When I was in school….”
You don’t get to teach who you were. Or the students you remember having in class with you. The truth is, it was a long time ago and you were a kid, so you probably weren’t fully aware of what was going on anyway and are likely mis-remembering. And this isn’t purely about age. If you just started teaching and you’re 23, you were in 4th grade 13 years ago. The iPhone didn’t exist. The life you remember is likely very different from the you’re your students are living, particularly when we consider that sometimes younger teachers are more likely to have this feeling, since it doesn’t seem “that long ago”.
You’ve got to teach the kids in front of you, right now. They need you, they’re glad you’re here, and they believe in you.
17) “They should have learned this from their parents.”
True. They should have learned things like respect, responsibility, decision making, etc. But they didn’t. Nothing we can do about it now…it’s just another obstacle we have to work together to overcome to ensure student learning.
18) “It’s the economy! Many of these kids are so poor they can’t….”
I agreed with you, until you said “can’t.”
Look, it’s harder for students to learn who come from economically disadvantaged backgrounds. No doubt, and no argument here. But “fixing” the class issues that plague our society is REALLY outside our job description, you know? I don’t even know where to start with that. I do, however, know where to start to help kids learn. Let’s focus on that.
19) “I don’t have time to…”
First, let me say that I used to be one of the worst offenders of this one. But my life became happier when I realized that time isn’t something we have, it’s something we make. And often, when we say we “don’t have time” what we really mean is “this isn’t important enough form me to make time” which, depending on the request, may be a valid response. We can’t say “yes” to everything.
Still, it can hurt colleagues who are currently doing that “thing” you don’t have time for because it makes it sound like your life is much fuller or richer than theirs. The truth is, we all have other responsibilities outside of work….it’s just some folks are more skilled at managing it, and some folks prioritize things differently. This may or may not be a problem, so please be careful how you say this.
20) “In the real world….”
In a podcast with my friend Jason, he used this phrase when we were discussing the role awards play with students. It kind of set me off and spawned it’s own podcast episode.
When we say “in the real world” to students, we’re sending the message that their world “isn’t real”, that their problems “aren’t real” and that we don’t understand them, or their problems, which lessens our credibility on every issue and destroys trust. Furthermore, it sends the message that no matter how difficult their life may be at the moment, it only gets worse from here.
I don’t know about you, but I just don’t think of the “real world” as a cold, dark, and scary place that people should dread, much less one kids should fear growing into. I’m not sure that’s a healthy mentality for anybody.
21) “They have to learn responsibility.”
Then we should teach it. Model it. Encourage it. Require it. Just not in the way people often think.
See, in the “real world” (ugh…now I’m doing it!) when I don’t handle my responsibilities, there are consequences. Yet, when we give kids “zeroes” for missed assignments, or take off percentage points for a lack of timeliness, we’re not “encouraging responsibility”. If I don’t do dishes, the dishes don’t go away. If I don’t cut my grass, someone doesn’t say “guess you missed that opportunity!”.
School work is WORK. Not doing it doesn’t make it go away. And while extra-curricular activities can be restricted in the name of consequences for “irresponsibility”, we’re much better off to recognize decision-making as a matter of brain development, and teach the structures necessary and benefits of being responsibly, instead of attaching punishments that probably won’t work anyway.
What do you think? Did I miss anything important? Disagree with anything? Hit me up on Twitter @MarkClementsEdu if you want to talk about it, or shoot an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. . Need more Edunating content? Check out The Two Things Teachers Focus on Most...Instead of Learning or learn more the Objectives vs Obstacles of Learning. Need something a bit edgier? Stop Playing the Victim and remember They DO Have to Like You.